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[quote=Anonymous]I have on child, about to enter kindergarten. We have close family friends who also have an only, who is entering 2nd grade. We socialize with them a lot, and despite the age difference, our kids get along and usually play well together.

But the problem, which has become more pronounced in recent months, is that our friends often want to engage in competitive activities or will casually encourage competition between the kids. An example: we’ll get together just to hang out, and I’ll bring drawing materials for the kids (the both really like to draw). Then you be if then will suggest the kids both draw the same thing and have a contest to see who can draw it best. Or they’ll want to talk about how the kids are doing in school, but instead of question like who do you play with at recess, or how do you like your teacher, our friends will ask specific questions about reading levels or math skills.

What this turns into is the kids being constantly measured against each other. What it feels like to my kid, and I think this interpretation is a fair one on her part, is like she loses constantly. She’s younger, smaller, and less experienced in everything. I think this current age difference is particularly bad for comparison. Yet my friends will often introduce competition to their dynamic. It’s like setting my kid up to lose. And then people are surprised when my kid is a “sore loser”. What’s amazing is that she’s actually not— she handles it well at first. It’s when she starts to feel like she always loses that I see her starting to get frustrated. Which would be a great time for them to either change the subject or teach their kid how to cut a younger kid a little slack and let her take one. Nope.

How to handle this? How do I help my friends understand that our kids will get along better if we encourage collaborative play instead of head to head competition?[/quote]

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