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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly your post shows zero empathy. Zero. So it sort of makes sense you mom is saying that about you. Sorry, OP.

Sounds like she's going through a lot. Really, A LOT. And your entire long post is about how the hell she's going through affects YOU.

Take a breath, OP. See how you can think about your mom for a minute.[/quote]

Hmmmm, interesting take. OP is just sharing this sliver of her life from this moment. Sounds like the mom has always been quite demanding. I hope if I were to come to the point where my DH was dying, I would be able to weigh my grief and fear along with what our children might be feeling and not demand that they suppress any of their emotions in order to be 100% present for me and my feelings. I would like to still be able to have the perspective of being a parent to our adult children even while sharing my impending sense of loss of spouse and friend.

My mother was more irrationally similar to OP's mom. She wasn't consistently selfish or kind, but mercurial enough that I knew we would not be able to have her live with us for the sake of our kids and DH. I was not always able to resist the bait, but once I made more of the pivot in that I was becoming the parent in the relationship, I was better able to handle it. She was thrown a lot of curve balls and probably didn't have the best resources to handle them, so that helped me have empathy during the trying times.

My MiL is probably not as bad as OP's mom, but fairly self involved. She can be kind and tries to be thoughtful, though she does have unreasonable expectations of us, even as adult children. Our family was going through a very tough time, fairly brutal. We were not overly involving his parents as it was way out of their league. The first time we saw them in four months, MiL just started in on DH on how hard this was all on her. She just went on and on. DH was kind of distraught. I told him that sounded really hard, but that a parent shouldn't share that with a child, or at least in that moment. She should talk to her DH, her siblings, her faith leader, maybe a shrink, but she shouldn't come to the folks in crisis and say, "hey, what about me?"[/quote]

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