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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How can I diffuse defensiveness in my husband? Before you blame me, it isn't me. I've examined my behavior. I'm not blaming him or nagging him. And he is the the same thing to the kids. It isn't that we are blaming him for anything. In fact, he got defensive this morning when I offered to do a service for him. It's very frustrting to not know how he's going to respond to a simple request (such as "can I get you a cough drop?" or "would you like me to call the guys who mow the lawn?"  literally that level of interaction)

[/quote]

So I get where you’re coming from, because I slip into similar behavior of “can I get you a cough drop?” BUT honestly I think that behavior can be really annoying. It feels like being treated like a child. My parents are like this, when I visit them it’s non-stop offers to help and it drives me crazy.

The lawn thing is also kind of weird. If it’s his job to call the lawn guys, just let him do his job. If it’s not his job but you noticed it needs work, just call them yourself. I’d be exhausted if my H asked me everything, I just want him to do it without needing to ask if I want him to.

You say you’ve examined your own motivations, but have you really? Because he doesn’t want help, yet you keep offering it. Why? [/quote]

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