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[quote=Anonymous]My brother was abusive for years and molested me while I was a young girl and he was a teenager. Long story short this lead to years of abuse by someone else and lifelong trauma. Our mother knows about this, even though she would like to sweep it under the rug. My brother and I are estranged now, the last time we spoke was for 30 seconds our father died. But 12 years ago my brother had two sons and for the sake of knowing my nephews I made an effort to see them and I had a decent relationship with my sil. I still didn't communicate much with my brother and barely spoke when we saw each other.

I haven't seen them in 6 years. Our last visit put me over the edge. Sil was asking about my mom and I mentioned things are tough bc she was physically abusive and manipulative. My brother chimed in with she wasn't ( she absolutely was) and that I don't remember things correctly. This kept up and it felt like he was laying the groundwork for " my sister's memory is unreliable, she's crazy, non of what she's saying happened"  I almost lost it. Sil doesn't know about the abuse.

My brother knows I remember and he knows I told our mom when I was 17. So since that visit we haven't gone back to see my nephews and I sort of ghosted my sil. Stopped texting, checking in. Occasionally she will text us for a fundraiser the kids are doing and we send $25-50  gift cards for the boys birthdays - never get a thank you and we don't call anymore.

My mom will occasionally ask for holidays together and I have to remind her why that will never happen. That relationship is a whole other story

Okay so now my husband's sister just had a son. We have seen this baby a few times and are planning holidays with them this year. My mom commented how unfair it is that I will be aunt to this baby but not her grandkids. And I'm terrible for taking this out on children. I agree to an extent but there is literally no way of achieving this. I can't have a relationship with them without my brother and I can't wait until they are grown and tell them why. Too much time has already passed.

I have a ton of cousins I'm not close to and haven't seen since I was 14 because my mom had a falling out with her sisters and to this day doesn't know her nieces and nephews. The irony.

If you've read this far. You're a saint.

My question is how to have a relationship with this new baby and not feel shitty about my other nephews. [/quote]

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