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[quote=Anonymous]I have two daughters in college, one a rising sophomore and one a rising junior. They are both great kids. My problem (and I am not even sure I'd call it a problem) is that I am not getting as much of that empty nest freedom as I had hopes, as both are still quite emotionally dependent. They call a lot and if I'm too busy to talk more than once every so often, they are hurt; when I suggested I might spend a month in the summer traveling on my own they were hurt ("But we hardly see you during the year!"); they view my attendance at all family weekends at school as pretty much mandatory.

Both have friends etc and do fine in school, and are gradually becoming more independent in most other ways (handling their own medical care, taking their cars in for servicing, getting part-time jobs, etc).

On the one hand I am touched at how important I still am to them. On the other hand, honestly, I was hoping for a bit more freedom to guiltlessly travel, or stay home, when I feel like it. I know I could just say "tough luck" to more of their requests, and sometimes I do, or we compromise (two weeks of solo travel instead of a month). But I also worry about making them feel abandoned. I was a single mother for most of their childhood so for a long time it's been just the three of us, and their dad is not very warm and fuzzy to them.

Any thoughts? Should I just accept that they need a little more time and maturity to become less dependent on Mom, and meanwhile continue to occasionally say no, but mostly try to be there when they want me? Or should I be more proactive in trying to wean them off the assumption that I should continue to organize my whole life and schedule around theirs?

I don't want to be hurtful to them, and/but I also want them to become more emotionally self-sufficient. Not sure if the route to self-sufficiency involves lots of love and being there for them for now, or if that route requires a little more loving, "I adore you but I am planning to travel for a month on my own" and so on.[/quote]

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