Reply to If you come from a FUNCTIONAL family, why resent/dislike people from dysfunctional families?

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Reply to "If you come from a FUNCTIONAL family, why resent/dislike people from dysfunctional families?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Corrected thread:

Ok, this is a little bit a spin-off of the thread about not getting help or support from parents when you have kids, but it's really more of a reaction to something I've observed in life (and on DCUM) many times.

Many people from functional, loving families have very little patience for people who come from dysfunction or who never had a loving family unit growing up. It's weird to me because, as someone who grew up in a dysfunctional family and has spent years in therapy to undo that damage, it seems like the opposite should be the case. Like if you got a really strong basis of support from your parents, and have always felt loved and like you have a place of belonging (something I never had growing up and have fought hard for as an adult) why would you have so little patience for people who don't have your advantages?

I am aware that people from dysfunctional families often have behaviors that are trying. Trust me, I know! But as I've worked through my own issues, it has just become obvious to me that these are usually just maladaptive attempts to get what they didn't have as kids. I see it in my own family. My mom is extremely needy and projects her emotions onto others all the time, because her parents were abusive alcoholics. In some ways she's still a little kid just looking for validation and love that she didn't get back then. Can it be incredibly annoying? YES. But once I worked through my own issues about my own childhood, I can always have empathy for her even as I set boundaries to keep her worst behavior from impacting me.

So why wouldn't people from "good" backgrounds already be able to do this? Like if you were raised with healthy relationships and learned about self-acceptance, good boundaries, etc. as a child, this should be easy for you. It should be easy to look at someone struggling and be able to empathize with them while also setting whatever boundaries you need to. But instead, people who had seemingly great parents and childhoods are often the least understanding.

I don't get it.[/quote]

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