Reply to How to forgive parents when they've never apologized?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Forgiveness has to do with you, not them. They owe you nothing it's up to you to figure out.[/quote] probably one of the least helpful responses I've ever seen on here and that's saying a lot. She didn't ask if she SHOULD forgive, she asked HOW to forgive. You don't wake up in the morning, snap your fingers, and make all those feelings go away. Either offer actual advice or move on.[/quote]

Well, I’m really sorry that you’re so angry T his morning. People so often think that forgiveness is a gift somehow to the other person, and it’s important to clarify that it is not. Before you worry about the how’s of forgiveness, you have to truly understand what forgiveness actually is. It’s actually helpful to see that forgiveness isn’t serving the person you’re angry at, but serves your health and happiness. If you can’t come to that, forgiveness is never going to come, or certainly not easily.

And no, you don’t wake up one morning and snap your fingers, but forgiveness is often very much a conscious decision. The actual action of it can be that quick and decided. You wake up one heir morning and carrying the other person’s burden to you is no longer serving you. You decide to look at your life and the effects of their actions in a different way. You realize that their actions aren’t yours to carry. And you find your way to let that go - therapy, visit your spiritual leader, and yes - a conscious snap of the fingers decision to not feed that side of it any more. [/quote]

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