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[quote=Anonymous]MIL hasn't had a very good QOL since her husband died 5 years ago. She is 89, depressed and lonely. She is in UK and we are in US. She has dementia, and that has been the primary issue in bringing her to US, as she doesn't like the different environment, can't remember how to use the tv or tea kettle, etc. She recently had a stroke and cannot return to her apt / independent living.  As long as I've known her, she has had a fear of being put in a "home/hospital" and being alone.

She has been in the hospital for 2 months.  My husband has flown back 3 times. For weeks, my DH considered the dementia a "gift" as MIL thought she was in a hotel, and was very happy with the food and room service and was having conversations with her dead husband. But DH visited recently in the morning and found a completely different person. MIL is completely aware of her situation, that she is in the hospital alone, no family nearby, and her husband and all her friends are dead. Apparently, she has been medicated on all past visits so her satisfaction with her "hotel accommodations" were a result of drugs, not dementia.

She wants to go "home" to a home that doesn't exist anymore. She wants to be with family, but we aren't equipped to care for her.  We visit as often as we can, but even if we could go 1x a week, it still wouldn't be enough. Given her current situation, when she is not medicated, she is very upset and doesn't want to live. 
 
I've seen the other posts in the forum, so I realize so many others are also going through this situation. DH and I have talked about how to ensure we don't face something similar as we age. But what can we do for her today? 
She doesn't have a medical directive for this situation. Is it better / kinder to keep her medicated most of the time? Do we just go on for years and years like this? It's truly heartbreaking. 
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