Reply to How to deal with the anger? (exDH bailed not a great dad, sucky spouse)

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[quote=Anonymous]10:18 here again.

I wanted to add . . . I take each situation as it comes. How does this affect my child? Which option is the least painful/disruptive to my kid in the long run? Which option will cause less/more drama and is it worth it? In 10yrs, when my child is a teenager and hates me, will I be able to look him in the eye and tell him honestly that I did my best to put his needs first?

It's hard to step back from myself. I get so angry that XH doesn't step up, doesn't seem to see our child as a separate person, doesn't realize that HIS actions (or lack of action) impact multiple other lives . . .

Asking myself the 10yr question helps me a TON. This is about my child. Not me. Not XH. How can I make this situation better for my kid? And not just as a kid, but how can I make this situation into something that won't screw him up as an adult?

Sometimes that means 'taking one for the team' and letting XH have his way and look like the awesome parent. Sometimes it means allowing a little of XH's true colors come out so DC can see it on his own (and then being there to pick up the pieces). It's a difficult line to follow and I know I screw up sometimes. But at least I'm trying to put my child first, which is more than XH does.

I'm sorry there are so many of us dealing with this :([/quote]

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