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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are 3 siblings, and we all live in different states from each other and from our parents. Sibling 1 is estranged from mom after a tumultuous upbringing with [b]a lot of emotional abuse, toxicity, and alcohol abuse. [/b]Siblings 2 and 3 agree with sibling 1 wanting to be estranged from mom but choose to keep a surface-level relationship going. Siblings haven’t gotten together for over 2 years now because of pandemic and plan to do thanksgiving together. Sibling 1 offered to host. Should I ask sibling 1 to invite our parents to travel to their home and join us for the holiday? It will be awkward if our parents aren’t invited, but will surely also be awkward if they do choose to come. Our mom has[b] a history and reputation for ruining holidays with her emotional outbursts. [/b]There are also grandchildren in the picture who would be at the gathering.

For those of you with similar family situations… what have you done about holidays? I want to see my siblings… it’s been 2 years and I haven’t met my niece yet. My parents visit frequently and have a relationship with my kids, but not with sibling 1’s kids. [b]I think thanksgiving will be the most enjoyable if my parents don’t go[/b], quite frankly, but I know they will be deeply hurt so I feel guilty about getting together with my siblings if they aren’t invited.[/quote]

This seems obvious.  You do not ask Sibling 1 to invite someone who was abusive, with a history of ruining the holidays, just because you feel guilty about your parents.  You celebrate with your parents another time.  [/quote]

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