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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It does sound like ADHD. If you have kids with ADHD, it’s vital that you learn all you can about disorder. One good place to start is a really fun routine Chanel called “How To ADHD.”

[b]For what it’s worth, I don’t think this is the crisis you think it is. Your kids are young and they have lots of time to learn and grow. [/b]

PS, the doctor might say an evaluation is unnecessary because it isn’t impacting his earning potential, but if it’s impacting your relationship, I think it would be worth looking into! I have ADHD and DH and I went to therapy to learn how to work together in spite of the disorder and it was very helpful for us both.  [/quote]

New poster. Strongly agree that both DH and especially kids need expert evaluation for ADHD pronto.

But I disagree with the bold.

Dad is modeling for the kids that his way of handling assignments and tasks and deadlines is normal and "just the way I am" and that he's always been successful--so there must be something not only OK but actually good about his "methods." The kids are going to learn that "Dad does this for work and stuff, and he's fine, so why can't I be like that too? There's nothing wrong or bad about it, it's just how some successful people are."

All the lessons and lectures from Mom will not help the kids "learn and grow" out of either diagnosed ADHD or, if they don't have ADHD, out of horrible habits. They all need dad to stop normalizing his own horrible habits for the kids. OP, you do need to get him to work on this for his children's sakes and you need both him and the kids to get evaluated.

PP does make an excellent point with this, too: "The doctor might say an evaluation is unnecessary because it isn’t impacting his earning potential, but [b]if it’s impacting your relationship[/b], I think it would be worth looking into." I added the bold. Your husband might be the one saying "evaluation is unnecessary because I'm so successful operating this way," but this is affecting your [u]marriage[/u] now, OP, as well as your kids who will see dad's ways and will not listen when you tell them that his ways are not healthy or professional.

If dad cannot or will not see that he needs to change in order to model better habits for his own kids, well, DH has a bigger issue than just his possible undiagnosed ADHD. I get it, he was raised amid a cultural stigma regarding any form of mental evaluation. Well, time for him to be an adult and overcome his upbringing and the stigma.[/quote]

PP here. When I say this isn’t a crisis, I don’t mean it isn’t something that requires close attention and a lot of work. I mean this isn’t something to fear or experience anxiety over. And that’s an important point because kids can pick up on your anxieties and what you deep-down believe about them.

That YouTube channel (or routine Chanel if you prefer) has videos on how to overcome a lack of motivation, how to regulate your emotions, how to help with the issue of time blindness, etc. So it definitely is going to help these kids live in a world that basically expects everyone to be neurotypical. But it’s also true that people with ADHD are just different and they can’t be expected to be the only ones who have to adapt. We can’t be rigid in our expectations for how things get done. If they aren’t harming somebody else, it’s okay to have a different way of doing things. [/quote]

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