Reply to Anyone had success with an open marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous]It's not clear to me whether you have told your DH what you have told us here -- that you feel zero attraction to him [i]and that will never change[/i]. I assume he knows you're bi, right? Have you told him clearly that e sexless marriage is a choice you are making (one you are making for both of you, to be honest) so he's aware that it's not simply a matter of, you're off sex while the kids are young etc.? in other words, is he living with any hope that eventually you'll resume sex with him? I figure he knows all this and you've discussed it, but it's hard to tell for sure from the post.

I am NOT asking you to come back here and answer these questions for US, OP. I say that because sometimes posters here ask loads of intimate questions and demand the OP come back and answer them. That can feel pretty intrusive to me. I'm just asking you to consider these for yourself.

Does he know that, as you put it here, you are fine if he wants to divorce you, and your concern would be only financial? I think that if you have not told him that you would be OK with divorce, but are worried about money, you need to do so, out of honesty and to respect the relationship you once had, and let him decide if divorce is what he needs. The financial aspects will be a hit but can be dealt with. If he wants to remain married but have affairs on the side (call it ENM or whatever), well, he needs crystal clarity about what boundaries there are, if any.

You also will need to consider what you will do and feel if he decides ENM or open marriage etc. is what he wants, but then he falls in love with someone else and wants to divorce you. Ihat will create an even bigger financial hit, possibly, if he falls for a woman who also has children.

I note you say you coparent well and you get along, but that plus permission to get sex elsewhere may not be enough for him, or may seem like enough until he wants to partner with or marry another woman. It might be an easier break for everyone, especially your kids, to divorce now and deal with the financial issues involved, rather than have your kids deal with a divorce when they're older, more aware of things, and see what appears to be dad leaving you for another woman. Just something to think about. You mention that you're fine with him "stepping out" as long as it doesn't "hijack our life" but eventually it seems that it could do just that, if he decides he needs to be with one person in a real relationship that is about more than meeting his sexual needs. 
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