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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For me it boils down to two words Choice & Resentment. My mother is an emotional succubus.

I haven't talked to her in two months.  It is so freeing mentally & physically.  My heart rate when I was having to interact regularly or even think about her averaged over 110 bpm.  Now it is down to 80.  Making the choice on how to deal with her has allowed me to handle the resentment.

It wasn't her needing/wanting help from me that caused my resentment (which is what she says to make me sound like the bad guy & her the victim) it was her terrible attitude to me.  I wouldn't allow anyone else to talk or treat me that way.

She, herself, only experiences emotions in extremes and expects that from others.  If she isn't getting an extreme reaction she will try to instigate it.  She would rather have negative emotions from others than what she 
(falsely) believes are none. That is the succubus.

Tried to set boundaries where I basically treated interactions with her like jobs.  That didn't work.  Finally told her that I must not be giving her what she wants so she can call me when she wants a specific task done.  Thankfully she hasn't.  Only dread is knowing at some point I will have to deal with her again.  I wish I never had to worry about her being a part of my life and resent that she takes up the mental space for me to write this.

I feel sorry my brother has to deal with her more now.  But I can't be responsible for him.  I resent that she also hurts him, but he has to choose what he will & won't allow.

If I were you OP, I'd resent spending the time in therapy to deal with her issues.  Choice & Resentment.

[/quote]

OP here with an update. I have to say this post above nailed it. I am on a break from her and it's like I could have posted the same thing. My heart would race after one of her hostile episodes and even days after was above 100 whenever I thought about it. Now my heart rate is much healthier. Yes, absolutely it wasn't her needing/wanting help that caused resentment, but the terrible attitude toward me. I could not understand why she would even try to manipulate me into seeing her more if she had such contempt and downright hatred toward me. I have so much going on I just don't have an ounce of energy left for someone who seems to think I am the worst daughter to roam the earth. Yep, my only dread is the thought of her resuming contact. I have spent a small fortune in therapy to learn her behavior is abusive, my boundaries seem to be meaningless to her and I am the target of her wrath. I am sure I am now the target of my siblings' wrath now that mom needs a new place to vomit out her rage. Life is much easier for the Golden child. Every time I remember her nastiness and see that she hasn't called or texted I just feel a huge wave of relief and peace. May I never be like this with my children EVER.

If you are out there poster from March...how are things now?[/quote]

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