Reply to People who offer to do things and then seem resentful about it

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "People who offer to do things and then seem resentful about it"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Can anyone offer some insight into why someone might proactively offer to do something nice or helpful but then act annoyed or resentful about actually doing it. I am dealing with this issue with a friend for the second time and I'm trying to figure out where she is coming from so I can address it.

The first time this happened was last year, when she offered to host a bridal shower for me for our friends (no family). I was not getting a traditional family bridal shower due to Covid and travel issues. When I told her, I was in no way fishing for her to host something for me -- she offered immediately and seemed actually much more upset about the idea that I might not have a bridal shower than I actually felt at the time.

As we planned the small shower, she seemed irritated with me the the entire time. She asked me a few questions about what I wanted and I gave what I thought were useful responses and responded quickly. I don't know if she was unhappy with what I suggested or she was just busy or what, but in the end it really seemed like she regretted having offered to do it. I tried to let it go at the time but I couldn't help but feel hurt by it. I really would rather have not had a shower at all than have her throw one but make me feel like she resented it the whole time. I wound up feeling guilty and burdensome about the whole thing.

But I chalked it up to Covid stress and forgot about it. Until recently when it happened again. My DH and I are traveling overseas for the first time since Covid (belated honeymoon) and she offered to stay at our apartment with our dog while we were gone. Like last time, I did not ask her to do this and never expected her to offer. She had asked me how travel prep was going and I told her everything was set (so excited) but that I was mildly stressed because I had not yet found a sitter for our dog. We normally board her when we travel, at a doggie daycare near our apartment that we like. But we're going to be gone for two full weeks which is just too long to board her IMO. So I'd been looking for a house sitter or trying to figure out how to get the dog to my brother's place, which is 3 hours away, before we leave, and it was logistically challenging. And she excitedly offered to stay at our place. I was immediately interested because I'd much rather leave our dog with someone she knows and who we trust, and I said we'd give her the amount we would have paid a sitter since she'd have to do walks and deal with poop clean up and everything. She said that sounded good and I thought we were all set.

Well she came over last night for dinner and for us to walk her through what the dog needs. Which is pretty standard (out in morning to pee, two walks during day, out to pee before bed, dog gets crated at night). And again, we are paying her so this is not a favor. But just like with the shower last year, she is suddenly acting very annoyed with me, like this is all too much to ask or like our dog is super high maintenance or something. We leave next week so I really don't want to find a replacement for the dog but I already really regret agreeing to this because I feel like once again she's going to hold this over my head like she's doing me a massive favor, but she asked to do it and we are paying her.

What is this dynamic? Why does she offer to do these things but then seem annoyed with me? Is this my fault for accepting her offers, are these just courtesy offers and I'm supposed to beg off that no, I don't want/need her help? Or is there something I'm doing wrong that is making her annoyed, or what.

In both situations, I would have been totally happy if she had never offered in the first place. I would have zero resentment towards her if she'd never hosted a bridal shower or offered to housesit. But she did, and somehow this means I'm supposed to feel guilty or beholden I guess. I don't know. I can't figure it out.

Any insight?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics