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[quote=Anonymous]21:10 here.  Yes, our consultant comes with us to the meetings and, in fact, does the vast majority of talking for "our side", particularly when we don't have agreement.  We've been using her now for 4 years for two kids. We hired her after being told by the school that nothing about our DS stood out despite extensive private testing (including from NIH) that showed significant challenges that affected his ability to learn.  We were desperate to get assistance for him before he actually failed.  Ironically, at the same time and at the same school, we were going through the IEP process for our youngest DS who was transitioning from Infant Toddler to Child Find and the Special Ed preschool.  The experiences were radically different.  It couldn't have been easier to get the youngest qualified and into the program.

Initially, there was tension at the IEP.  Our consultant wasn't hostile or aggressive but she did challenge the school team and questioned them.  Everyone was on the school team was guarded (don't blame them) but they were very professional and we were able to hammer out an excellent IEP.  Each subsequent meeting was easier and easier.  They became accustomed to working with our consultant (who is well known in the school system) and she freely recognized the excellent work they do and how collaborative they are with each other.  So, while it may have been uncomfortable in the beginning, I think having a consultant has actually helped us maintain an excellent relationship with the school.  Any annoyance is directed at our consultant, not us.  We sit there, express our appreciation at the work the staff do and look attentive when the consultant speaks.  I think having a positive relationship with the team makes a big difference.  They're people first and foremost.  They're under-paid, under-resourced and under-appreciated.  They have to attend god knows how many of these meetings which require a lot of preparation and they have to do a lot of data collection on kids like mine.  What they have to do, is not why they got into teaching in the first place so the more pleasant I can make my interactions with them, the less they resent having to do the crappy part of their job and dealing with me and my kid. By using a consultant, we get reassurance that what our kids need, they get.  Our consultant helps us keep our emotions out of the discussions (that's so hard!) and to manage our expectations.  When she tells us something isn't appropriate or not reasonable to ask the school, it's off the table.  It keeps our IEP meetings operating at a much higher expertise level than most.

Once we brought her in for our oldest DS, the meetings have gotten easier and easier.  We didn't bring her in for our youngest until his first annual review.  By that time, we figured we needed someone to review the goals and assist us in getting related servcies because we didn't have a lot of confidence in his teacher.  Those meetings got pretty tense with the teacher only and the procedural officer had to start attending because of the teachers lack of understanding of the many of the requirements.  Things got worked out and the next year was easy.  We're now back at a difficult point because we (parents and consultant) don't agree with what the school team is proposing for service hours.  I wouldn't call the meeting tense because there's no rancor, no anger, no lack of goodwill.  We just disagree.  We understand why the school will not agree to more but disagree with the reason.  Dont' know where this will lead eventually but I'm immensely grateful to have our consultant because we believe she is truly looking out for the best interest of our DS and working to get him what he needs and what is reasonable.  The school team seems to appreciate our perspective even though they don't agree with us.  Again, I think working with the consultant has helped us maintain a very positive relationship with the staff - and I think we've gotten better teachers because of it.  The school doesn't want poor teachers in front of her, that's for sure!

Our consultant typically charges us 1 hour to review materials (but may be 2 hours the first time if you've got a lot of documentation) and travel time to and from school.  She met with us with our DS prior to working for us.  She doesn't work for any kid she hasn't met.  Once we've got a good IEP in place, we typcially only use her once a year for the annual review.  If something comes up between then, we do use her (oldest DS was having some anxiety and we asked her to come for an FBA discussion).  It's been incredibly expensive for us but we feel we've gotten good value.  If joke that we're spending our kids' college fund on her because if we don't they'll never get to college.  If this doesn't answer your questions, please post back.  [/quote]

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