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[quote=Anonymous]One of my children is behaviorally challenging. My mom insists on visiting for 3-4 months at a time to "help out." I'm a frontline worker and desperate for help during the pandemic and virtual learning. She comes over, constantly argues with DC, creates a lot of drama screaming and shouting back and forth with my emotionally dysregulated child. Then gets on the phone and tells her friends and family member the "crisis" we have at home, at one point, I found out she was asking other family members if they could help us out financially so we can put our DC in residential placement.  She was with us a few months ago, I had an early morning training to give via ZOOM and the plumber was coming over at the same time. I asked her if she could wake up early and help me get DC ready for school and open the door for the plumber, etc. She said she could do that. It took me longer to wake her up that day than it takes to get my children out of bed because she's "not a morning person" so that itself was stressful. During my training, there's silence upstairs (thank goodness) so I think all is well. About 10 minutes after the bus would have already been in the neighborhood, I hear her arguing upstairs with DC. As soon as my training is over, I go upstairs, first thing she says "Larla refuses to go to school today." I drive DC to school.

The plumber returned two days later to finish the job because he needed a particular part that he didn't have, apologizes that he was chatting with my mom the whole time and had no idea that she was also helping get her grandchild to school and felt terrible when DC ran downs upset at her grandma for not waking her up in time for the bus.

I now hire help. However, hiring help is not easy when you have a problem child.  DH now never wants my mom to visit or help us out because of the added stress. I totally get it OP. Her "help" is a nightmare. I'm conflicted because I know she loves the children and is emotionally dysregulated herself. She now only visits a month at a time[/quote]

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