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Eldercare
Reply to "Parent helps out but lies to me"
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[quote=Anonymous]It's a sign of cognitive decline. My mother does this too. It's partly because she has some mental health issues (lots of unresolved issues around guilt and shame that make her lie because she's afraid of admitting she did something "wrong"). But it's gotten much worse in the last ten years because she her memory and mental acuity is going downhill. So she lies because she's confused, or because she forgot she said she'd do something, or because she honestly can't remember if she did it or not. It's not malicious lying, but it's also a red flag in someone you are leaning on for childcare or household help. You need to be careful not to give her tasks that are more than she can handle. Yes, it will hurt her pride, but you don't want to risk one of her lapses endangering your kids. I also recommend trying to have compassion. My sister gets so angry with my mom for her lying but her raging only makes my mom more likely to do it because now she's afraid of "getting in trouble" with my sister and withholds information about stuff that we really need to know, like that she forgot to take medication or forgot a bill for 6 months and now it's in collection. It is not unlike dealing with a child. You need to reward honesty and avoid shaming them for forgetting or messing up, or they will just try to hide more things from you in order to escape the shame or embarrassment.[/quote]
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