Reply to Concerned for H’s mental health. What to do?

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[quote=Anonymous]A few years back H realized he struggled with some mental health issues. He wasn’t bipolar but did tend to have mood swings, would get into depressive states. He wasn’t an alcoholic, but recognized drinking was a problem for him and stopped drinking altogether. He got into therapy and onto antidepressants as well. After he gave up drinking, he started relying more on weed, and I voiced concerns when he started hiding it from me and he quit that, too.

The last couple weeks he’s been in a depressive state. He’s been sleeping in every day, even on work days. He doesn’t seem very happy with life in general, doesn’t want to go to work but also seems unhappy at home. He’s lost interest in sex.

I noticed he’s been buying 6 packs of non-alcoholic beer and drinking them all within a 24 hour period. It’s non-alcoholic, so that’s good, but I feel like the next step is to get actual beer.

Tonight he asked me if he could start smoking weed again to fix his mood. I said I was open to it, but I would need a better idea of what that would look like - every day, how much, when, etc. I told him I was concerned he would start back up his old behaviors of sneaking off and hiding it, which is a problem for me. He said I don’t understand the medicinal aspect of it, and I told him I do, but if he’s going to use it as medicine on a daily basis he needs to see a doctor, get a diagnosis, and have the doctor determine if weed is the best solution for him. I don’t mind if he uses cannabis. If he needs it for medical reasons, I want him to see a doctor first. If he wants to do it recreationally, that’s fine, I just want to make sure he doesn’t fall into old patterns.

As of now, the way he describes it, it’s more that he needs it just to function and feel any sort of joy in life. To me, this indicates a potential problem.

I am trying to support his mental health by taking on more of the household burdens so he can sleep and rest. But I still need his help. As of now, I’m doing all of the cooking, most of the cleaning, and I’m dreading the weekend because I know he’ll be asleep until noon, meaning I am caring for the kids solo.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to add stress onto him by telling him to suck it up. I don’t want an H who needs to be stoned to be happy at home. Our connection is fading, he doesn’t seem to want much to do with me. I asked him about getting back into therapy but his old therapist has a long waiting list. [/quote]

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