Reply to Is it reasonable to want to connect with your partner in all levels?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, have you told your partner exactly what you said in your post? Your post actually sounds like a very good script for discussing your feelings about this aspect of the relationship with your partner.

If you have not discussed this, why not? What is making you balk at bringing it up? Of course don't raise it when you and your partner are IN the moment, having an argument over something you had hoped would be a discussion instead. But I'd raise it in a neutral, "I feel like we're really well connected in all these [name them] ways. But there's one thing I'd like to work on...."

If you have discussed this, did it just devolve into another argument, or did your partner see the point you were trying to make but just can't get there with you?

BTW, OP, by asking this as "is it reasonable to want to connect with your partner at all levels," you are going to end up getting a lot of negatives on this forum, I think. There seem to be a lot of people who post here to say that things like expecting partnership, friendship, sexual attraction, real conversations and interest in each others' lives is expecting too much, and some people on this forum insist that as long as there's ample sex, that's the one and only thing that matters. I think it's entirely possible to have all those things because it's what my spouse and I have, and it's not a unicorn thing, but it requires work and intention.

If your partner just can't make this one leap to having discussions about culture, news, politics etc. but all else is good, consider getting into a couple of groups--join a book club, get active in a local political organization, get active in a local arts group, find people with whom you can fulfill the need for some discussion.

Do you and your partner have interests or activities in common? Can you discuss those things that you share? Maybe you're leaning into wanting to talk about politics and current events and that's not working but you both could talk about your shared outings, hobbies, day trips to somewhere you'd both find interesting --?[/quote]

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