Reply to SIngle Mother and her toddler just moved in with me

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Reply to "SIngle Mother and her toddler just moved in with me"

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[quote=Anonymous]Nope nope nope nope NOPE. This is a horrible idea.

I watched this exact scenario happen with my best friend. She was rescued from her abusive husband by a man who immediately jumped into the husband/daddy role. Soon after she got pregnant. And while I do believe the new guy had every intention of being a good partner and father figure, my friend had MASSIVE amounts of unresolved trauma that made her unable to function in a relationship. He couldn’t handle it and ended up bailing. Which just screwed up her life further, and it was yet more proof (in her mind) that men are untrustworthy, her kids were messed up even more from losing their second dad, and she now was stuck raising another baby solo.

I love my friend dearly but she really thought that sex would be enough for this man to commit and financially support her and her kids. She even did the nudes thing, before she left her husband she was on dating apps and sending nudes out to every guy who threw some attention her way, I think in hopes one would rescue her.

If you care about her at all, you need to put HER needs way, way, WAY above yours. Which means absolutely no sex,  no romantic involvement, no playing dad to her child. You need to treat her exactly the same way you would a male buddy who left his abusive wife. If you can’t help her without expecting sex or a relationship, you need to help her maybe for another 30 days until she can find a job and childcare, and then move on.

Also, im just gonna say - HUGE red flags that you keep mentioning sex/nudes, and you called her child a brat. You also sound abusive, and she may very well have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Women do not owe you sex or a relationship just because you helped them, and you have zero right to parent her child. Do not attempt to parent this child and “correct” him (he’s 1.5yo FFS, do you even have kids?? Do you have any idea what is normal behavior or how to deal with a child who is traumatized from witnessing abuse?? No? Then STFU about her kid’s behavior). Do not attempt to start a relationship with this woman. What she needs is help, therapy, probably at least 2-3 years to heal, to rebuild her life. [/quote]

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