Reply to Am I too mean to say that even though it is true?

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, too mean. Kids that age don't understand that you don't really *mean* you're going to kick him out (you don't, do you??) and can internalize comments like that as representative of how you feel about them. Even if you also tell them you love them and are supportive at other times. That's a really severe, over-the-top statement and it's going to stick out to him.

He's 6. It's fine to encourage independence, but he's not being dependent on you because he's lazy or he's failed to launch or something. He's dependent on you because all the stuff you want him to be independent on is almost brand new to him. How long has he been taking showers on his own? Like 6 months to a year? I'm guessing he wasn't showering on his own at 4. Even stuff like cleaning up after himself and bathroom habits -- he's got a few years of being expected/told to do these things, and for some of those years he likely had physical limitations as to how well he could do it. Like he might be able to clear his plate from the table and put it in the dishwasher, but at 4 or 5 I'm betting he often spilled things when he did this or put the dishes in the wrong spot, because it was BRAND NEW to him.

You think you are making him more independent but you're probably just making him feel bad about himself, which is going to make it a lot harder for him to confidently go out into the world later on. Though, upside I guess, it might help him deal with your eventual death more easily. [/quote]

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