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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Like many others who post on this forum, it is obvious you are looking for some kind of absolution so you can refuse to help your parents, including your mother who heaped abuse on you.

Adult children are NEVER obligated to their parents for anything, ever.  If you do not want to help your parents then don't. There are plenty of agencies who can provide them with assistance, including finding a Medicaid facility to put them in.

You just need to make it very clear that you will not be helping them and they are on their own.  That is the minimum humane thing you need to do so they have zero expectations that they can look to you.

Go online and find all the local senior citizen helping agencies, put together a list of their phone numbers and hand it over when you tell them they are on their own.

Don't bother talking to your mother anymore about the abuse you suffered at her hands. Just let her know that she was not a good mother, you learned a lot from her and won't make the same mistakes with your kids.

Be thankful the lessons you learned about parenting will undoubtedly result in your kids never having any similar complaints about you. [/quote]

This. I worked with a therapist to figure out my boundaries. I used to be so filled with guilt, but I found no matter what I did for her it was not enough and a chance to heap on more abuse. So I'd rather do far less and have the same response, than burn myself out and be filled with resentment and hatred. You will never get an apology. For a number of reasons I do want to be in my mother's life, I just look out for her with MAJOR boundaries. If she ever is in the hospital and they want to release her to me I will share the abuse. Luckily she can afford residential, she just insists she must age in place. Her neighbors don't seem to like her much and she has alienated some of her friends so not sure how she thinks that will work, but I can't control her.[/quote]

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