Reply to How to deal with the anger? (exDH bailed not a great dad, sucky spouse)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My situation sounds similar to yours in that my ex had untreated bipolar depression and many associated issues.  I finally kicked him out.  I too am angry that my kids got such a crappy deal from him; they definitely deserve better.  I am also angry with myself for not seeing this and making a better choice.

Over time, the anger has faded.  It has become clear that kicking him out was best for us all.  I am SOOO grateful that my ex "left" the kids with me.  It has enabled me to create a calm and stable environment for them.  We have now devolved to a situation where Ex visits regularly and is basically a "bonus" to the kids in the sense that another PP mentioned.

I also have learned to be less angry with myself.  Before I met my ex, I knew nothing about depression or alcoholism.  My ex was a good liar and hid many things well.  When I look back now, I handled things and made choices in the best way I knew how at the time given what I knew.  I know more now and hopefully would see certain warning signs for what they really are now.

I focus on building other relationships to give my kids what I would have hoped they would have gotten from their dad.  Other male family members provide male role models.  I'm the one in the yard throwing the football, etc.  [/quote]

I have seen you post before, might you be willing to be in touch off list? We are currently at "left" but there are threats and noises. It would be helpful to get your take on good approaches. I understand if you are not comfortable but I could really benefit from your BTDT. I want to give ending up where you are my best shot. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences.[/quote]

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