Reply to How to deal with the anger? (exDH bailed not a great dad, sucky spouse)

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[quote=Anonymous]My situation sounds similar to yours in that my ex had untreated bipolar depression and many associated issues.  I finally kicked him out.  I too am angry that my kids got such a crappy deal from him; they definitely deserve better.  I am also angry with myself for not seeing this and making a better choice.

Over time, the anger has faded.  It has become clear that kicking him out was best for us all.  I am SOOO grateful that my ex "left" the kids with me.  It has enabled me to create a calm and stable environment for them.  We have now devolved to a situation where Ex visits regularly and is basically a "bonus" to the kids in the sense that another PP mentioned.

I also have learned to be less angry with myself.  Before I met my ex, I knew nothing about depression or alcoholism.  My ex was a good liar and hid many things well.  When I look back now, I handled things and made choices in the best way I knew how at the time given what I knew.  I know more now and hopefully would see certain warning signs for what they really are now.

I focus on building other relationships to give my kids what I would have hoped they would have gotten from their dad.  Other male family members provide male role models.  I'm the one in the yard throwing the football, etc.  [/quote]

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