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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I am so sorry for your family’s struggles.  You have achieved the critical first step, which is realizing your challenges and taking the steps to address them.   That has set you on the path to lowering the toxicity and helping the relationship with and parenting of your DD.

If you find that it would be better to limit your time with her, so you can stay more positive around her in snippets and heal your relationship with her, then do so.  It’s not the end of the world for you and your DH to live in 2 different places without divorcing for awhile, while you address the parenting issues you’ve recognized and are trying to work on.  It will deescalate things and give you both space to heal.  As things improve, you can increase the time you and DD are together until you can join households again.  This doesn’t make you a bad parent, separating out for awhile, this makes you a better parent, recognizing what you need to do and acting on it.

I would check in with her therapist and discuss the potential plan, see if they agree and get their advice on how to manage it effectively with your DD.  I’m wondering if it would be better to give another reason why the households are separating for awhile that doesn’t involve her, such as job-related, but of course you and your DH know the real reason.  That way she won’t internalize negatively that she is the reason.

Big hugs and best wishes.  Again, you have already passed the first big step.

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