Reply to How can I get him to stop doing this, or train myself not to be bothered?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“Dinner is at six”.

He rolls in at 6:10.

“Hi! Want a plate?”[/quote]

New poster. This, OP, and yes, it applies even if it's 7:00 and not 6:10.

Here's why: "Twice in the past month." So...two days out of 30. If that is the usual rate at which this happens, I think you have lost perspective here. Yes, OP, I agree, it is thoughtless, but does it warrant this type of language?

"My blood pressure goes through the roof"
"We've discussed this until I'm blue in the face"
"It feels like blatant disrespec

That's pretty catastrophizing language for something which you, yourself, refer to as "sort of small potatoes." Something that happens (if this is the case) maybe once every other week or so, right?

I am not defending him. But I think the ironclad adherence to "be here at 6, and if you're late, [i]I start checking your location"[/i] -- that's perspective that's out of whack. Why check his location to see if he is where he says he is? That is the action of someone who is assuming on some level -- can we admit this here? -- that she thinks he's lied to her about [i]other[/i] things, so she's generally suspicious, and/or she is so angry she acts out like someone who's suspicious. Neither is a good thing on your part, OP. Have you thought through why this one small thing is SO disproportionately irritating to you beyond your DH and dinner?

Again, I think it's impolite but not "blatant disrespect" in neon letters. It's not worth how angry it seems to make you. I am asking seriously -- Were you raised either to put high value on everyone eating together at a set time, or were you conversely raised in a family where no one ever managed to be on time or eat together? Either could help account for the emphasis you have on that part of things. Of course it's a good thing to be consistent with dinnertime and eat as a family, I agree, but can you see how the [i]level[/i] of your upset and anger, to the point you text him, track him etc., are out of proportion to the offense? Especially as he's otherwise, your words, "wonderful"?

Just one thing to keep in mind -- if your kids are fairly young, a set dinnertime works now but will not always work. If kids start having extracurriculars, dinnertime all together, at the same time daily, may go out the window. You're possibly going to find in a few years that you and kid one have to have dinner at 5 and get out the door to a dance class or ball game, and dad has to come in, grab kid two and get to a school event with dinner late, afterward. Some days of course there can be dinner at the table together at 6. But this will change especially by middle and high school, so bear that in mind. I don't say that as a way to let your DH off the hook now, but to give some perspective for the years to come. [/quote]

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