Reply to My “needing to be liked” problem

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Self-awareness is a great first start to healing this part of yourself. That, along with therapy and EMDR, helped me deal with painful memories that led to my thoughts of unworthiness. It sounds basic, but it also helped me to recognize I had preferences, take stock of them, and share them with others as necessary vs going with the flow all the time. Ultimately I had to learn to prioritize myself which helped me see how much a disservice I was doing to myself by putting others' first. Being vulnerable about this and talking to family and friends you trust may help you on this journey but it always starts within. Sounds like you're on your way.l[/quote]

Thank you for this. Therapy has definitely helped me get this far, though I don't have a therapist at the moment (working on it). Can you tell me more about EMDR? Did you work with a therapist or do this on your own, and how do you practice it? I've see it recommended elsewhere and know what it is, but don't really know what the process is. I am looking into therapists that might use it, but it's been tough finding a therapist right now anyway (needs to be covered by insurance and I don't want to go the app route again because I think I need something more traditional now), so I don't want to limit myself too much.

Thanks for your kind words.[/quote]

You're welcome. We're all trying to figure it out... I worked with a therapist I found on psychology today. You can search for a provider by insurance, areas of expertise, therapeutic approach, and techniques, including EMDR. EMDR pairs rhythmic left-right physical stimulation with the recollection of painful memories. In my case, it was electric paddles I held in each hand that gave a slight buzz on each side. (There are also techniques to try at home but it should be done under professional supervision.) With eyes closed holding the paddles, I recalled those moments and my therapist asked questions to guide me through them. It was more than one memory, more than one session, but I always felt better after. That, along with my regular sessions has really helped me process so many painful things from childhood I'd never accessed before, and this is after going to regular therapy talking about the same issues off and on for over 20 years! The fact you see a problem and want to do the work is HUGE, please give yourself credit for that. And when you're in situations with people who make you feel inadequate try to remember it's your past talking to you, not the reality of the situation. Staying present will be a huge help and you have to be deliberate about it. If you don't already, try journaling. Write all your thoughts down, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Hope it helps![/quote]

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