Reply to My “needing to be liked” problem

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How do you know when someone doesn’t like you? Do they say something to you or do you feel it? [/quote]

This is a good question. I think when I was younger I just assumed no one liked me unless they were very overt about liking me. As I've gotten older I've realized that the vast majority of people don't really care one way or another, and aren't really focused on me or thinking about me. That's been a helpful realizations and saves me a lot of grief.

So now it's more a specific kind of person who triggers these feelings of needing them to like me or just low confidence generally. Basically, people like my family -- highly judgmental, impatient, unimpressed. It's not even that I *know* they dislike me (they, too, may not be thinking about me). It's that I feel disliked because of their tone and behavior, and since it reminds me of my this feeling I've had my whole life that I'm not good enough, it really bothers me and can trigger these very down feelings and low self-esteem.

It's not that I'm trying to get people to like me. It's that I'm trying to figure out how to care less about whether they do. And especially people who are just very judgmental, I wish I had more skills for handling them so that I wouldn't be as effected by their behavior. When I encounter someone who seems very disapproving of me (even if that is just their general demeanor and they are like that with lots of people) it feels awful and can cause me to spend days or weeks worrying about it and feeling bad about myself.[/quote]

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