Reply to My “needing to be liked” problem

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[quote=Anonymous]I struggle with needing people to like me. It really stresses me out when someone seems to clearly dislike it disapprove of me. I know this is a problem other people have so I am wondering how others have worked on this.

For me, I know it stems from growing up in a home where all the adults were very judgmental and had extremely high standards for children. I never felt like my parents or siblings particularly liked me. My dad, in particular, was often cutting and cruel, when he took any interest in me at all, which was not often. My mom was very critical of everyone, including herself. I’ve just always had this feeling that there is something wrong with me. Like if I could just identify what I’m doing wrong, I could fix it and THEN people would like me. This has translated to a lot of people-pleasing traits and low self esteem.

I’ve actually worked through a lot if this (Knutson figuring that out was big for me), but knowing why I’m this way and changing it are two different things. I’m less if a people pleaser than I used to be, but mostly by trying to avoid places and positions where that really comes out. I still really struggle with self esteem. I still often have this nagging feeling like I need to fix something in order to be accepted or loved.

My goal is to feel confident in my own value as a person, and to be less bothered when people don’t like me (or don’t seem to). Has anyone successfully turned this around in adulthood? What helped, that I could do (please do t say something like “I found a spouse who loves and adores me and reassured me” because that’s not realistic or within my control). Thanks![/quote]

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