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[quote=Anonymous]Apologies for the novel. See TLDR

Prior to the pandemic, DH and I both had family friendly jobs that required quarterly work travel. My DH works for a startup and I have a gov job.  We had a preschooler at the time and would often all go together and extend these trips into weekend getaways. We did a ton of travel prior to having kids and with our first DS.

Travel paused for both of us and we decided to have one more child and ended up with twins (!!) in the middle of 2020. We now have 3 high energy boys. We have no local family nearby, a few friends, and our parents are not retired. We recently bought a bigger house in NOVA.  During the pandemic work was super slow for DH and his co-worker friend moved to a similar tech startup for about a 20k raise.

While I was on maternity leave with the twins with many health complications, DH’s co-worker convinced him (referral bonus) to leave his current job and move over to the new company. The new job required 25% travel. DH was hesitant but excited and I was fully against this as we were already struggling finding childcare and no had other help. Against my wishes he accepted the new position saying that with the raise we could hire more help and his mom would come more often while he’s away as it would only be a 2-3 days max.  The position is global so he is rarely available to help during the week until 7:30pm then works late into the night. Travel has picked up and he’s gone about 2 weeks every month.

Fortunately, after months of literal sleepless hell, I found an amazing nanny (35hrs/week) and we have an emergency college student babysitter this is the most that we can afford, we are maxed out.  DH’s mom has come to help on two occasions and it’s obvious that she is not interested in childcare or household work. She is another person for me to take care of so I put an end to that.

We have spent hours and hours hashing this out and he thinks we should just throw more money that we don’t really have at the problem and I should suck it up. He doesn’t understand how difficult it is to find good help especially for multiples.Our first nanny that I spent months looking for quit bc it was too much for her. Besides that I feel that he knew what he signed up for and took this job as a break from childcare. I believe that we should be the ones raising our children and when they’re all in school full-time he can focus on his career.

DH returned from a week long trip and we are barely speaking. He comes home "exhausted" from travel and takes naps. The twins are sleep trained but are going through a sleep regression so I am beyond tired. I do 100% of the cooking and most of the things needed to run a household. Due to health issues, I eat mostly clean so ordering out is not an option. When DH is available he’s an excellent, hands on parent who the kids love. I am not sure what to do next. DH is not planning on leaving the company because he thinks it will be sold soon and he will get a large payout.  Right now I am in survival mode while WFH and my intrusive thoughts tell me that if we were divorced then at least I’d get a break but that wouldn’t be fair on the kids. Any advice please ?

TLDR: DH’s new job requires travel 50% of the time while I am WFH with 3 high energy boys. DH won’t find a new job. We cannot afford more help. Advice?[/quote]

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