Reply to My kids’ very different reactions to my sadness.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My good friend died yesterday. While I went about the day doing the things I normally would (cook, clean, do laundry etc), I was clearly sad and teared up on and off all day. At any sign of tears and sadness my 3 y/o would immediately run over to tell DH or her 9 y/o brother and repeat “mommy’s sad” until she got their attention. She stayed by my side, and was just generally extra cuddly and loving. I felt a little guilty that she seemed so worried about me.

On the other hand, when my 9 y/o found out about my friend, he said “I’m sorry about your friend, mommy” and went on about his day- playing video games, watching TV, whatever. He did ask me questions later on, like how my friend died, etc, and he did seem worried to see me cry for about 3 seconds.

I’m not much of a cryer. I’m normally silly and fun with my kids, so I know it was a bit of a shock for them both to see me down. I’m also so curious about their very different reactions. DD seemed acutely attuned to my feelings to be only 3.

How normal is this?

[/quote]

Are you saying your son underreacted?  Because to me, he sounds very empathic and did say he was sorry about your friend.  What did you want him to do?  Start crying too?  Hide under his bed?  As for your 3 year old I don't think it is her responsibility to feel better and [b]you should have hid it better[/b].

I am also sorry for the loss of your friend.  How did you spouse react?[/quote]

Jfc. No. Just no. It’s not a choice between hiding your feelings and making someone else responsible for them. [/quote]

Absolutely.  You can hid it from your 3 year old. You are making the 3 year old feel responsible for the adult's feelings.[/quote]

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