Reply to Just realized I dated and am married to an alcoholic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My therapist told me quite bluntly what I have been experiencing in my marriage has been due to my husband's alcohol addiction.

Oh my God, it makes so much sense. How did I not see it? :shock: [/quote]

OP, I'm so sorry. Please get yourself to Al-Anon as fast as you can. Al-Anon is [u]not[/u] AA -- AA is for alcoholics themselves; Al-Anon is for people like you, whose loved ones are alcoholics. You will meet people there who have been through what you are going through now and who can relate to you as only your peers in the same situation can relate. They can help you talk about how you didn't see it, why you didn't see it, and what comes next. Please do not make any sudden decisions like leaving (unless he is abusive--THAT is a different situation altogether).

https://al-anon.org/

You are still processing this and to some degree, I'm guessing, focusing on the shock right now and seeing the evidence clearly fall into place for the first time. Not a time for choices but a time for information. You also will need to talk to someone about how to approach your DH with the fact he has an addiction, and the fact he must get treatment or it will kill him and possibly is already killing your marriage. Note that I did not say to run to him today and demand he start AA tonight! I'm saying, you need to breathe a minute, and get solid advice on HOW to approach him if he is in denial. Al-Anon can help, your therapist might be able to help.

I will NOT do the knee-jerk DCUM "divorce him" parroting that goes on here; we have no idea about your relationship other than what you have said so far, and for all we know, you and he will be able to stay together if he accepts that he's an alcoholic and accepts the help he needs. Only you know what you've been "experiencing in your marriage" and you do not owe us a litany of details here (though you'll get posts demanding that you give up details--do not feel obliged to dish, spend that time on lining up the next Al-Anon meeting you can find for yourself).

I really hope that, if you love him and want to stay together, he will accept the fact he's an addict and will choose to work to get past that -- via AA, and/or medical treatment if needed, and/or therapy or whatever else it takes. If things are at a point where you cannot or will not stay together, I hope your therapist helps you navigate how to leave him. [/quote]

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