Reply to Man I’m dating constantly rescues 21 yr old daughter

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[quote=Anonymous]Yeah…get out while you can.  I had the same red flags about my now DH…he and his ex rescued his HS age daughter from every possible minor inconvenience or consequence.  So she never learned a lesson…and she also never learned how to cope with any kind of setback.  She is now 28 and completely loses her shit at places like the DMV, where all of us go in with low expectations and then feel delight if things go smoothly.  Instead, SD expects to everything, every day to be perfectly smooth sailing and cannot COPE with anything that doesn’t go according to plan.

She can’t hold down a job because she can’t take any kind of redirection or criticism.  It’s always everyone else’s fault and she’s always angry at the word for not catering to her.

DH has come around to see how detrimental it was for him to smooth out every tiny wrinkle ahead of her.  The cost has been enormous though…addictions, incarcerations, multiple failed stints in rehab, 6 semesters’ worth of tuition down the drain (dropped out each one…always someone else’s fault).  She is nearing 30 and has the emotional coping skills of a…3rd grader, maybe?

There is no satisfaction in the “I told you so” now that he realizes the damage he did.  The problem is, she has no self awareness and now that dad is no longer bailing her out (literally) she has found other men to do it.  Sadder still, her mom is literally bankrupt from all of the $$ she had thrown at SD’s lawyers and rehabs and security deposits…but still won’t say no.  Still just doesn’t want to see her baby hurt…so she hurts her by continually enabling her because she can’t cope with that discomfort.

Anyway, I’ve lost a lot of years of my life trying to “help”…and really just draining it own self of peace.  You can’t fix this guy.  Bail.[/quote]

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