Reply to Having a hard time coping with being cut out of my sibling's life

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]sorry, but I can't get through your post. your determination to keep gender out of it and not offer any specifics makes it super hard to follow. [/quote]

The absence of gender and getting more specific is because my sibling and myself live in the DC area and it’s conceivable that they and other family or friends might recognize this if they read it. I’m not sure the gender matters to the account, though understand more specifics are helpful.

In terms of other posters saying I’m casting myself as a victim, I suppose I do, yes. At least in this instance. I’m actually not a person who enjoys drama and that is last of what I want to avoid by not showing up to Easter. I also fully realize that I’m not perfect. In this case, however, my sibling not only let me down but then turned on me pretty viciously when I expressed dismay that they hadn’t just let me know they weren’t able / interested in helping me during a significant crises. But I’m not a person with many crises - thankfully - and as I noted, I rarely ask / asked for help from people, my sibling included. It’s not as if I was constantly at their door asking to be bailed out of this or that.

It hurts to be cut off and cut out of someone’s life. I am a person who has many close relationships. I have wonderful a “family of choice”. But nothing has taken the devastation out of being cut out of my sibling’s life away. And it hurts that others in the family stand by someone who was so cruel to me - and yes, that term is one I don’t casually use but I believe applies.

Anyway, thanks for your responses. Even those who have suggested I’m to blame. It’s always good to have other perspectives. [/quote]

If all the sibling had to do was let you know they weren't available in your time of need, why are you so angry and hurt? That seems like such a minor thing. In what manner did you express dismay? Again, your role in this vague crisis isn't really clear so it's hard to give advice when not much is known about the situation. If you hate drama just go to the dinner and let bygones be bygones and live in the present.[/quote]

I had a personal crisis that required legal guidance by a certain date. I was blindsided by this event and - thank God - have never experienced anything like it before or since. I called my sibling when the crisis emerged simply to share the news. I’m perfectly capable of figuring out what to do but I turned to my sibling for comfort - as one does when you’re dealing with something big and just want to confide and get moral support.

Sibling volunteered to get me in touch with an attorney friend and assured me attorney friend would be delighted to help. I had a two week window to address the issue. I didn’t hear anything for several days. I reached out to sibling and asked if attorney friend was available and suggested I might proceed with securing my own attorney if attorney friend couldn’t assist for any reason.

Sibling was furious with me - how dare I be so impatient, attorney friend will be in contact soon, I should be grateful for their help. I felt terrible and apologized for implying I was not appreciative. I heard nothing for a few more days. At this point I only have three days before a deadline. I call around to a couple of attorneys, no one could see me before the deadline.

The day before the deadline, my sibling finally gets in touch and says that their attorney friend’s advice was “don’t worry, this [legal threat] isn’t a thing.” When I suggested that guidance didn’t seem consistent with A) the guidance of a reputable attorney and B) that this crisis was indeed pretty substantive, my sibling became irate and calling me names. I was blown away by this whole scenario and stunned because I could have gotten an attorney on my own and was now out of time. My sibling said I “yelled” at him and that he never wanted to speak to me again. And that was that. Sibling cut me off. It was bizarre and still so hard for me to grapple with.

Btw - I subsequently did secure an attorney to help me with the fall out of that crisis and missing that deadline, and they were perplexed that any legit attorney would have been dismissive of the issue or given the “it’s not a thing” advice.
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