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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There's no way this guy wasn't a slob when you were dating him. Yet you married him and so here you are. Own your choices. This is exactly what you signed up for.

The easiest solution for you, and the best solution for your kids, is [i]stop caring[/i] about "mess". If "stuff" is everywhere, then in the grand scheme of things... [i]so what[/i]?

Put it in perspective, how many people in Mariupol right now care that their house is cluttered?[/quote]

Well, except for the Ukraine comment which I'm not sure is helpful, +1 to this.

A slob can cure him or herself. Somebody else cannot. What you can do is focus on what expectations you can *reasonably* have so you don't get frustrated. And what is reasonable? Hard to say for sure, but definitely not a complete 180.

I was a total slob like your DH because of a few issues. First, ADHD. Second, depression. Third, a high tolerance for mess (I am hyper aware of dirty things but stuff on the floor doesn't bother me). Fourth, I felt like I could never meet my husband's expectations (because, well, indeed I could not), so it got really frustrating when I tired. What changed was a) DH reduced his expectations b) we moved to a bigger house so some rooms can be clean all the time c) DH gave me three things he *needs* done, and that is well within my capabilities c) I just got really into ADHD stuff and I learned how to keep things organized d). Not to the level of DH's preferences, but good enough for him. d) got the depression to manageable level.

But it is wild to me that he was soooo shocked that I was messy! He genuinely thought I would change when we got married and moved in together. But regardless, things are much, much better, even though I'm not totally cured from being a slob. He rates our marriage a 10/10 now. [/quote]

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