Reply to Anyone have a miserable relationship with elderly parent that was better before?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Consider that this is not the same person.  Age-related changes in her brain have affected her personality and self-control; cognitive decline (the absence of a formal diagnosis of dementia notwithstanding; the change in her behavior tells you what you need to know)) is impeding her ability to function as her normal self.  She can't help it, which doesn't make it easier for you, but it may be helpful to recognize that she is simply becoming incapable of behaving appropriately, as might have been the case had she had certain types of brain injury earlier in life.  She doesn't understand what you say in the way she used to, and what she says to you is not reflective of the person she was before her brain began to change.

None of this will change her behavior, which will probably only get worse over time, but may help you view this as a manifestation of disease rather than as a valid and accurate reflection of a fully functional parent.

[/quote]

It doesn't help because it is her at her core, just with fewer social graces. In therapy I am realizing I overlooked a lot and ignored a lot in the past and Dad was a major buffer. Also, when someone is hurling abuse at you, after enough years and constantly doing the boundary dance the empathy runs dry. I don't like her anymore. It's sad, but I think you get enough abuse it changes your brain chemistry. If anything therapy has helped me come to terms with the fact this is who she has always been.[/quote]

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