Reply to “The Harsh Reality of Gentle Parenting”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just skimmed the article, so I could be off base, but I'm not sure if our definitions of gentle parenting are the same.

I have a child who is extremely anxious. When she says she is too anxious to go to school, I am gentle and understanding, but I make her go to school.

When I am angry, I don't bottle up my emotions, but I also don't take my anger out on my kids or suggest that they are somehow the cause of my anger.

If my kid doesn't want to do an assignment, I don't make them do an assignment, but I also wouldn't dream of shielding them from the teacher's consequences of not handing in the assignment.

I don't yell at my kid when they don't do their chores, but I do stand next to them and keep asking them to do their chores until they do them, rather than just not giving my kids chores.

My approach is really not outcome-based, it's more needs-based, which is why I'm generally attracted to the idea of gentle parenting. And so much of what kids need is boundaries, guidance through difficult times (rather than help avoiding difficult times), and allowing kids to fail.

So, I dunno. I wonder if it's hard to talk about gentle parenting because the terms aren't firmly defined. [/quote]

I agree!  I admit I don’t spend a lot of time learning about parenting philosophies.  But I was surprised to learn from this article that the big enthusiast “good jobs!” I’ve been giving my daughter for not having accidents (we’re in the depths of potty training) didn’t count as gentle?  I definitely try to model calmness and emotional control but I definitely believe in consequences for your actions — I just aim to be much more of a carrot than stick type parent and the most common punishment my child gets is “you were doing X that I found dangerous/unacceptable so now you have to hold my hand for a while.”

I was also surprised to learn “we” language was verboten.  I use that specifically for things I do (and make sure she sees me do) so I feel like it’s more informing household rules (we wash our hands after going to the bathroom; we cross streets only when the light is green) and condescension.  Other people may do X and that’s fine but we do Y.

In short TIL that I’m an authoritarian parent.  Apparently my parents were too and I feel like I had an idyllic building so I guess I’ll just keep on with it.  😝 [/quote]

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