Reply to DH has never negotiated a salary

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DH has never negotiated a salary"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He is 41 and has always accepted whatever employers pay. Of course as a result, he’s woefully underpaid and overworked. We live in DC and he earns less than $70K, which is less than he earned 10+ years ago even before you consider inflation. We have children. I earn more than 2x what he does because I’m willing to advocate for myself, so it bothers me that he never tried to do the same. I WFH and he’s in an office, so childcare defaults to me. He even works on Saturdays sometimes. I don’t want to be rich (ok yes that would be nice) but I would like to retire and pay for college.

I put this in the relationship forum because for the past couple of years, he swears he’ll talk to his boss about his salary, or he swears that he’s job searching. But he’s not. Last week he told me that he set up a meeting with his boss to discuss. Today he told me he’ll set up a meeting with his boss. What about last week’s meeting? Oh that? That didn’t happen. It was never scheduled. He’s yanking my leg.

I can’t do anything to change this, can I? I can’t make him realize that life and children are expensive?. And when I try to step up at work, sadly he “forgets” responsibilities like daycare pickup so I am scrambling to cover for him and his crappy employer. Vent over.

[/quote]

This is kind of a tough one.

I think you are approaching this from the wrong side - your husband has no motivation to make more money. Or at least that's how it seems.

I say therapy or if you want no cost therapy, here it is: you need to agree on what your long term goals are and then understand that your current situation is not going to allow you to reach them. He needs to understand and acknowledge this.

Basically, you are subsidizing his in-person, crap for pay job based on the hope that he's going to earn more, and if I'm being frank, the ingrained sexism that the man should be the primary breadwinner. He's working SATURDAYS while you're on call for childcare 100%. Oh, HeL! no.

If you WFH, you could move to a much lower cost of living area and maybe he gets a part-time job and becomes a SAHD.

Time to come to Jesus.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics