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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm in the same boat with the STBX and the family far away and frankly not able to withstand the strain of my stress on top of their own.

First, the advice you're getting is different from what my atty says re: flexibility.  It should be something you tighten up in the final terms, most definitely.  A toddler does not understand anything but consistent pattern.  Tuesday = Daddy's day Wednesday = Mommy's house.  A color-coded calendar (pink / blue shaded) does wonders to answer their questions about when and who.  So switching is detrimental, and I certainly would not accomodate a reschedule for his social events.  Cover, yes.  Swap that night for another night that works better for him, no.  Plus, for your own sake for work travel, you need back up care.  The parent who has custody (per temp orders)  should be responsible for finding alternate childcare if the ex isn't able to cover for him/her.  Period.  If you can, do cover since it's your child and frankly makes him look bad to be subbing out his evenings with his child.  (Hello?  Judge?)  But it sounds like he might be trying to sabotage your job by stranding you with no childcare when he has an emergency come up.

If you were close to me, I'd be happy to help a fellow sojourner out (Loudoun) if you get caught in a crunch.  Try to find other single moms/ dads (meetup.com?) that you can start getting to know now to form a patchwork quilt of support and back up care.  Take contemporaneous notes of how many times your ex cancels and the reason so you can show the judge his own performance doesn't warrant that much custody time (he's an idiot for handing this to you on a silver platter, imo).

Good luck!  [/quote]

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