Reply to Does your mom find "surrogate" daughters she gushes about?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom has a surrogate daughter that she calls her other daughter.  She was a childhood friend of mine.  My mom would also accuse me of being jealous of this person and her relationship with my mom.  Later in life I figured out that my mom was greatly exaggerating the relationship with this other person.  She’s currently laying in a hospital bed and neither her real nor surrogate daughter are there.  (Before DCUM freaks out on me, I offered to go but my mom said I could only come visit if I leave my nursing baby at home in another state.  She likes to test people’s love and affection for her.  I stopped playing when I had kids).[/quote]

You hit on something interesting. The nature of the relationship is very superficial (therefore the surrogate daughter doesn't visit her in the hospital.) I totally understand why you don't and it's justified-your nursing baby must come first. My mom was so infatuated with one surrogate daughter I was creeped out. She gushed way too much about this young woman's exquisite looks (along with her extraordinary charm and personality). Anyway, my mom pretty much ghosted her during a very, very hard time because it was no longer fun and glamorous to have a much younger fancy friend.[/quote]

My mom says that her mom was absent when she was growing up.  And her dad wasn’t in the picture.  So I do wonder if she just doesn’t know how to mother or form real relationships with people.  I think she has to keep things very shallow, and that’s why she prefers friends to her family.  Your family knows too much about you and goes through real things and I think that makes my mom uncomfortable.  She is estranged from almost every living relative we have.  Which I remind myself of every time I feel guilty for maintaining hard-core boundaries with her.  It’s a terrible situation for all of us.[/quote]

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