Reply to Has anyone forgive their ILs and how has it worked out?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Has anyone forgive their ILs and how has it worked out?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]29M, 31F. No kids. Married in December 2019. DW was raised to never question or tell her parents no. I kind of went along with it during dating but it really came to head after we were married and they retired and it got worse. Some examples:

1. Saying unbelievably rude or judgmental things about me, my parents, my brothers to my face or behind our back

2. Second-guessing and meddling in so many big and small decisions we decided on as a married couple that had nothing to do with them. When their passive-aggressive techniques didn't work they would try and successfully trigger DW's anxiety that we were making the wrong decision

3. Visits with them were a nightmare. They never invited us but would passive-aggressively make DW feel bad when we didn't visit "enough", demanded we drive 2.5hrs to them and sleep over for multiple days. Every visit was like adult summer camp where they plan every day from start-to-finish and anyone who deviates slightly was judged for not being "family-oriented"

4. They would not respect boundaries or be flexible on anything. They would rudely tell us what to do and would leave it to DW to say no or stand up to them. As you can imagine she had difficulty with this. As an example there was a time they needed my help with something for their house 4.5 hrs away and the entire thing was planned around what was convenient for my MIL and her haircut appointment.

Starting about 18 months ago we saw 2 different marriage counselors. They both said spouse needs to set boundaries address it directly with her parents. It was rough and we argued A LOT but we're now in a place where DW is willing to stand up to them. Last week DW asked them to apologize for how they've acted the past 2.5 years. They were reluctant to but eventually did.

My question is- DW now wants me to forgive them ASAP and go back to "normal". She already scheduled a visit with them for FIL's birthday in early April. Am I right to ask for a little bit more time and space from them to heal and get over it?[/quote]

You aren’t young and it’s not like you didn’t know them before getting married so your fault in getting involved. That being said, keep it to minimum and then gradually be more accepting if they keep their end of the bargain. Its also good for yours and your wife’s stress level if things are civil and somewhat normal.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics