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[quote=Anonymous]My DH does this too. My therapist once described it to me as "a very mild form of DARVO" and if you google DARVO, you might agree.

Basically it's a way of deflecting blame for things by going on the attack. So the problem becomes your annoyance with him instead of whatever he did to provoke the annoyance.

I handled it by literally explaining this dynamic to my DH (during a time when we were not having this kind of fight) and explaining how frustrating it is because it makes me feel like I can't just feel annoyed, disappointed, or irritated. We basically talked about how he needs to learn to tolerate me being a little annoyed at him, even mad at him, and not try to twist the situation to make it impossible for me to feel that. Even if he "didn't mean to" do the thing that bugged me. It's just life. Sometimes he gets mad at me about stuff I didn't mean to do and I just accept he's mad, apologize, and then move on.

He needs to understand that just letting you be annoyed, apologizing if he did in fact do something wrong (even something small like forget to text you that the event had moved), you will get over it much faster than if he does this thing where he tries to make an end run around your feelings. What he's doing is creating the very resentment he's trying to avoid.[/quote]

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