Reply to Why does my mom pull this and what do I even say?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know what's going on with your mom or what she really wants/feels.

BUT

I have found the best way to deal with people who are very passive aggressive or who play weird games to try and elicit certain behaviors is to just get very literal with them.

If she says she doesn't want you to come, don't go. You are no longer invited.

If she says you aren't connecting, just accept that's how she feels and that it's reality for her.

If she needs a break from these visits, say okay and make other plans.

You can bring it up again in a month or two and say "Would you like DD and I to come over this weekend? Maybe after this break it will feel like there is more to talk about and share?" And if she says yes, go. If she says no, don't go and give it another couple months.

Just don't engage in the game of trying to guess what she really wants and anticipate those needs. Take her words at face value and act accordingly. If what she really wants is something else, she will need to articulate it clearly. Force her to clearly articulate needs by not playing games with her. It will benefit you both in the long run.[/quote]

You have to communicate with the person that you are doing this, otherwise you are just playing a different flavor of the same game, leaving someone wondering what's going on.[/quote]

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