Reply to Does the lack of an age gap create more problems in marriages than we acknowledge?

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Reply to "Does the lack of an age gap create more problems in marriages than we acknowledge?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1) Men age faster and worse than men. Heart attacks, earlier death, etc.

2) [b]Men are perfectly capable of maturing as fast as women if they are not babied and infantilized by their family and society. [/b]

DH and I were both 27 when we got married. We immediately started having kids. We already had professional jobs. It's wonderful to be married to someone the same age. We share cultural touchpoints and are in the same places professionally, so we can relate very well. Of course his hairline is receding and he has dadbod but my eye isn't wandering so all is well. [/quote]

Such a good point. People mature as they have to and are expected to, and so many families do a disservice to their sons by coddling them and excusing them well into adulthood. I know people who do this with their daughters too, with equally bad results. But I think one of the saves women from remaining immature longer is that motherhood foists responsibility on you whether you are ready or not, and even very coddled women quickly realize they better at least rise to a basic societal standard for motherhood or they will basically be outcasts. Society is crazy hard on moms and even as you can see it's a double standard, you pretty much have no choice but to figure it out. Otherwise your kid gets punished.

Men don't have this backstop. So if they've been coddled by family, fatherhood won't change anything -- men are congratulated for the bare basics of parenting and forgiven for all kinds of screw ups that women would be shunned for. So they don't get the same imperative and an immature father just becomes another person his wife/partner is expected (by his family and society at large) to account for.[/quote]

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