Reply to Does the lack of an age gap create more problems in marriages than we acknowledge?

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Reply to "Does the lack of an age gap create more problems in marriages than we acknowledge?"

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[quote=Anonymous]People are not averages. They are individuals. For some people an age gap will make a lot of sense and better ensure both partners can accomplish what they want in life. Great. For others, an age gap could cause problems, create goal mismatch, and disrupt intimacy. Depends on the people.

I think instead of focusing on ages, people should focus on maturity level and similar goals. Marry someone who is at the same maturity level and shares your goals for both short and longer term plans. You might find that in someone your age, younger, or older. I know happy marriages in all three categories (same age, older guy/younger woman, older woman/younger guy). I don't think you can make a prescription that will apply to all people.

I do think it's gross when older men exclusively seek out women who are much younger than they are, especially if it's based mostly on looks. That's fine for dating but is short sighted and incredibly shallow when looking for a marital partner. I also find it gross when women seek out older men primarily for financial reasons while setting aside things like attraction and shared goals. Again, it's shortsighted -- it might solve your short-term financial issues but if you don't have other reasons to be with this person, you are going to run into some real issues when you are in your 40s and your "partner" is retirement age and you have nothing in common and aren't even that attracted to him to begin with. And I think that's where the stigma about the older guy/younger woman comes from -- people who are playing into this stereotype and ignoring the fact that looks and money are GREAT but you cannot base an entire relationship on them.[/quote]

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