Reply to What’s fair—expectation vs reality when parents/ILs live far away?

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[quote=Anonymous]Totally makes sense that you're feeling shook up - this is a major change that will effect you in many ways, primarily negatively.

Also - if I were you I would really try to avoid committing to any sort of schedule now. Talk to your husband, come up with a tentative plan, but be aware that you'll have to see how it feels. You may find the trips are a fun diversion, the kids like them, and there's a good discount airline, and you end up going more than you thought. You may find them more stressful and expensive even than you're picturing.

I would guess you'll land on visiting once or twice a year. I would really do everything in your power to go at least once, I think that's important. How much they'll visit is a bit of a crap shoot. They could end up coming once every five years, they could end up coming quarterly. I wouldn't worry about that too much - it's unlikely they'll come enough to grate on you, assuming you generally find them pleasant and they're staying in a hotel (hold that line for sure).

The Christmas thing - absolutely absurd that your husband thinks you'll spend Christmas with his far away parents every year. I see a few options here. One is that you could decide to "host" Christmas every year, and invite both sets of grandparents. They can come if they'd like. This works particularly well if they get along well, but even if they're just cordial, it's an option. Another good option is a rotation. Out to your in-laws one year, at your parents one year, at your house one year, repeat. Discuss with your husband, and again, DO NOT COMMIT to people other than him. Give yourselves a little time to see how things work for your family and the freedom to make changes as needed. Good luck![/quote]

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