Reply to What’s fair—expectation vs reality when parents/ILs live far away?

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[quote=Anonymous]I’m just trying to figure out a proper expectation vs reality when parents/ILs live far away. I’m having a really hard time with this and need a different perspective.

I’ll try to be concise giving all the facts!

ILs are retired and have decided it’s finally time to move back to the San Diego area (where they were from before they moved and had children.)

We have a 12yo and a 9yo.

I have a super flexible job and WAH, but DH has a very demanding job. He’s often on-call and occasionally has to work on his days off (I’d say 1-2 times a month on average.) I only mention this to give you an idea of what “family time” looks like for us. M

We both get five weeks vacation a year. (I actually get four but I make the fifth work to align with DH if necessary.) We typically spend three of these weeks on family vacations. The other two are taken randomly throughout the year.

DH and his parents believe we will see each other often. They see no issue with them visiting often (We don’t have space for house guests so they’d have to stay at a hotel. I’m firm on this.) But for us, it’s basically a trans con flight away, a red eye home, etc. It doesn’t sound like something that will be something we will be able to do often. Not to mention, it’s not cheap (For us. I get that it may be cheap for many.)

I have local family. DH seems to think we will spend every Christmas there, or, every Christmas with his parents if they choose to come here for the holiday.

I’m probably overreacting because this is so sudden. I don’t know how to explain it but it feels almost like a huge invasion of my personal time. I can totally get on board with taking a yearly/biannual trip to California, maybe. But I don’t know how I feel about the frequent IL visits, or the holiday bogarting.

If you’ve BTDT, please tell me how it works for your family. [/quote]

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