Reply to Feeling guilty about past PPA/PPD

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[quote=Anonymous]I had PPD that morphed into full blown depression after we moved across the country when DC turned 1 so I had no support system, plus I was in an abusive marriage. It took me about 5 additional years to get out of the fog. I tried so hard to be a good mom during that period, and I took a lot of parenting classes and read a lot of books, but I also made a TON of mistakes I still beat myself up over.

What helped me:

1. All the parenting classes, books, podcasts, etc. I prefer very gentle parenting methods, happy to give recommendations if needed.

2. A therapist who taught one of the classes told me that kids don’t need perfect parents, they need good enough parents. We really only need to get it right about 30-40% of the time. Which isn’t an excuse to intentionally do poorly, we can always do better, but we don’t need to beat ourselves up.

3. Some other comforting advice I got is that everyone in the family is allowed to be human - including parents. And that making mistakes and then apologizing and making it right shows kids that’s it’s okay to make mistakes in relationships, there doesn’t need to be permanent damage from a mistake, and teaches them how to repair any damage.

4. Therapy for me to help get over the guilt. I won’t lie, it’s still there, but instead of beating myself up over it I just try to make the most of every day and build my dream life and relationship with my kids. [/quote]

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