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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We’ve tried everything, OP.  New, sexy lingerie, dates, dancing, losing weight, sleeping in separate rooms, sleeping in the same room, you name it.  All bandaids that work for a little bit.  We have settled into a nice, companionate love.  Sex is like a decent sandwich at this point.  It is what it is.

-married 14 years[/quote]

Do you have kids at home? If so, kids who are, say 13 or younger?

Things can pick up a lot when the kids are not around. We were pretty rarely getting intimate for a long time. Tiny house, light sleeper kid/teen sleeping on the other side of a wall feet from us. We worked on keeping things going enough (though "Divorce now if not ample sex!" DCUM would have had us divorce over it years ago, ha). And when DC left for college, things improved in a big, big way. More frequent even than in the early kid-free years, to be honest. I know this site so I know someone will try to say, no way! Troll! etc. Don't care. It's true.

Before you say, what, we have to wait until the kids leave home?, you don't. The fact that your "bandaids" actually DO "work for a little bit" means...they work! And you're mixing things up. Don't stop doing that. If the end result is sex that both of you find pleasing, you do realize....that's sex, and both of you are finding it pleasing. Again, if you have kids in the house, it's difficult sometimes even to do as much as you're already doing to spark things at times.

And the whole "I've lost the butterflies" feeling OP mentions -- yes, that's marriage. Butterflies and fireworks all the time don't go on forever. You're working on things and conscious that sex requires effort and isn't always a spontaneous lightning strike of perfect fluttery love. That just isn't really sustainable forever, though it can come back from time to time and maybe with "bandaids." And that is not at all a sign something is wrong or you're boring. It's maturity and being busier than ever.

Married 29 years now, love the "companionable" part (please don't underrate that, PP) and yes, the sex has improved drastically since DC left home. And I will add-- are you on hormonal birth control? It can kill women's libido but doctors often don't tell women that enough. It is fantastic but this side effect is for real. My drive was suppressed for years on BC pills and lowering the dose helped but still I was affected. My drive shot up once I hit menopause and was off the pill. I"m NOT saying you have to wait for menopause either! But be aware that if you're on hormonal BC that can be a factor if you feel you're never in the mood. [/quote]

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