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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
My money is my husband's money and vice versa. We tell each other when we spend it. I haven't had to do this myself, but my husband is a Vietnamese war refugee and has always sent money back to his home country, to support the descendants of relatives who were stuck there. Currently he and his brothers are paying for law school for one of their nieces, whom they've never even met in person! I don't even know to whom the rest of the money goes, but they send the money to their mother, who sends a large check to Vietnam.

It seems you and your husband are not a team here. You should be. Don't be scared or ashamed. This is a totally legitimate and morally-appropriate expense.[/quote]

OP here. Well of course, his money is my money and mine is his. But I earn an income and so does he. I do not feel like my family is entitled to his income but they are to mine, if that makes sense? I do not think my husband has to part with his income on my family's behalf unless he wants to. [/quote]

I am not the PP, but I do not separate out our family money into "money I make" vs. "money he makes." That is not how our finances work. In our family, something like this is discussed as a family expense and how much it is depends on what the family (DH and me) think we can afford - not what I think I can personally afford with my paycheck alone. The $600 is coming from somewhere. If you have a lot of disposable income, it's coming from that, but if you don't, the $600 you're sending your parents, and whatever else you want DH to send to them, is coming out of another expense.

I see two problems here:

1) you are sending your parents money that your husband, by your admission, isn't happy about. $600 is a lot of money to be sending away when your partner doesn't approve. It is worth talking with him and discussing whether your family can tolerate increasing this amount, but it is also completely appropriate for him to say no.

2) your sense of obligation to your parents may or may not be healthy. Absolutely they supported you. Most people's parents support them as children. That is not a thing that anyone should be expected to pay back. Your parents sound like they planned for you and your sister to support them, but it doesn't sound like either of your spouses is on board with that arrangement, or you would both already be sending more. You need to work out why you feel so obligated to send money to them, to send your sibling to school, etc. Do you have children? This money could be funding your own children's education, not your siblings. It could be funding your own retirement, not your parents. I would not be comfortable if my spouse was supporting their family of origin at the expense of our kids and our family.[/quote]

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